The Art of Relating

Relationships are based on ego while Relating is from love.

Your inner journey involves both removing the barriers inside you to Love and practising the Art of Relating in a Loving way with all sentient beings.  We chosen the term ‘the Art of Relating’ in order to distinguish this way of interacting with others from traditional ‘relationships’.

The word ‘relationship’ is commonly used to refer to the way people interact with each other and with institutions such as religions and nations.  For example, people have relationships with their parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, their church, and their lover.  As people have invariably been interacting from their egos, these relationships have been based almost exclusively on their fears, desires, beliefs, and emotional traumas.  They are predominantly ego-based relationships.

We invite you to begin relating from an inner space of Love and to immediately begin shifting all of your ‘relationships’ into loving acts of relating.  You may find that some of the people in your life are not receptive to this kind of shift.   We encourage you to continue to relate with them in a loving way and if that changes things in a way that is untenable for either you or the other then it may be time to end the relationship (in a loving and graceful way).  It is possible for you to relate from a loving space with someone who is relating from ego.    You do not necessarily have to remove people from your life.

Relating from Love

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What does it mean to relate from Love? Love is an inner state of being that you fall back into when your ego-mind falls silent.  That state of being is silent, accepting, and non-judgmental.  With practice, you can learn to speak from that silence.  Thus, you are relating in a Loving way when your inner state of being is silent, accepting, and non-judgmental, and you are responding to life’s events from that inner state rather than reacting from your ego.

When practising the Art of Relating, you are using every interaction with another sentient being as an opportunity to learn about yourself not the other.  You are bringing awareness to the motivation behind your every thought, word, and deed during your interactions.  If your motivation is coming from a fear, desire, belief, or emotional trauma then you are interacting from your ego and you have an opportunity to learn about yourself.  You cannot be functioning from your ego and relate in a Loving way.

For example, if you are doing any of the following then you are functioning from your ego and are not relating from Love:

  • Judging yourself or another;
  • Trying to convince someone of something;
  • Wanting another to change in any way;
  • Espousing a belief;
  • Speaking as though you believe what you are saying is true;
  • Convinced that you are right or that the other is wrong;
  • Being defensive;
  • Interacting from any emotion including the so-called positive ones such as happiness or excitement;
  • Arguing;
  • Keeping a secret;
  • Wanting a certain outcome to occur; or,
  • Holding an expectation of any kind.

This list is not all inclusive.  When you find yourself doing any of the above, you have an opportunity to heal yourself.  An aspect of your ego has been triggered and you are not operating from Love. Your opportunity is to delve inside yourself to find and remove the underlying barrier to Love.  The Learn your Soul Lessons page on this website describes a process for doing so.  This is what it means to face oneself.

In this way, the art of relating involves bringing mindful awareness to your inner state of being at all times to determine when you are being Loving and when you are acting from your ego. Initially, you will likely find that you are functioning from your ego more often than not but, with practice, you can learn to interact from Love.

We have created a workshop on The Art of Relating for those who wish to practice relating from Love.